The Wheels on the Crack Bus
by Mah Elocin
Summary: This .. Is crack. The purest crack you will ever find. I dare you to challenge us. READ IT. It has just about every pairing there is in here, and maybe even some you didn't even dare to imagine... By Mah Elocin and Chococ


Ed; . . . Hey, Al. -Yawns a bit rubbing his eyes a bit since he just previously woke up- . . . What time's it?-Glance around- . . . Time t'eat yet?

Havoc; …-slaps himself in the head- … We have some diseased … cannibalistic citizens hanging around outside and the first thing the boss thinks about when he wakes up is food…

Riza; -sighs-

Ed; … … -smirks, sliding up behind Alphonse- Mmm … You look good… -Licks Al's neck playfully-

Havoc & Riza; -cock their guns at Ed-

**Alphonse: . . . Mmm. -slouches over- Knock it off Ed. … -groans, rubbing his waist as he gets up and retreats into the bathroom-**

**Hughes: Oooh. I think those tacos are starting to hit him!**

**Ling: Mmm~! But they're good! -Eats taco-**

**Winry: -Twitches- You two are oddly cheerful… **

**Ling: Better than looking like that guy over there! -Grins pointing to the guy in the corner-**

**Scar: -folds his arms glaring about the room- . . . . . . . . . **

**Winry: Hughes, aren't you worried about your wife and daughter?!**

**Hughes: Noooooope!**

**Winry: Why not?! What if they've been infected with the virus right now?**

**Hughes: Not possible; I've got an AT & T unit! -Pulls out the phone- And, since I have unlimited text messaging, Gracia sends me text pictures every ten minutes! They're safe and sound in the basement! -Kisses the screen sending little hearts of love before he starts rambling on and showing Winry-**

**Roy: -Burst into the room with Kimbley- We need to leave right NOW!**

**Hughes: What's the dilly-O? Have a taco, man!**

**Roy: Ah… no thank you. Kimbley- No! No, no, they're not infected! -grabs at Kimbley, yanking him back to his side- We need to leave now, as I said before. The, uh, whatever the hell they are, are heading here!**

**Ling: -Munches on tacos-**

Kimbley; … You have five seconds to evacuate this room before I destroy this building.

Envy; -Glances up, gets up he stretches a bit then slinks off Scar's lap, transforming back to his usual form from the cat form he'd assumed for a few hours- …Mmm, yeah, yeah. Not like it'll bother me any. -Shakes head-

Ed; … … -Huffs a bit at the absence of his brother, moving away from the chair to grab the plate of tacos, walking over to Kimbley with them- … -shoves one in his mouth- Let's go, then, dumbass.

Kimbley; …Excuse me? Did you just --

Ed; Yup. -Walks out as if there's nothing outside-

Havoc; !! Boss! -Runs out after him, ready to shoot anyone about to attack Edward-

Riza; …Come on, Sir. -Moves in front of Roy with her gun cocked and ready, starts out slowly after Ed and Havoc, then glances at Scar, Winry, and Ling- Inform Alphonse that he needs to hurry in the bathroom; if the car--

Kimbley; It ain't a car.

Riza; …Huh?

Kimbley; -sneer- We got a bus.

Riza; -clears throat- … -- The BUS is outside, we can't keep this door open long and we can't leave the bus running forever. So we have to hurry.

Kimbley; -turns to Roy- [Whispering;] This bitch really thinks we'd leave the bus runnin'? Fuck, you really pick bad subordinates, Mustang.

**Roy: … [Whispering back;] But she had nice socks…**

**Scar: That's how you pick a woman, Brother. -Walks over and stands near Envy- We should get going.**

**Roy: … You do realize that **_**that**_** thing is not a woman?**

**Scar: … … But "that" knows how to make me cry--**

**Ling: OKAY! Well I'm up and outta here, then! -Pats his stomach and looks back at Hughes- Thanks for the tacos man!**

**Hughes: My pleasure! Thanks for looking at my two hundred million pictures of my little darling angel!**

**Ling: Yeah! -Nudges Hughes- And maybe, when she's older and I'm a king, I'll make her my queen!**

**Hughes: -slaps his back laughing- Yeah, maybe… But you might have to die first. **

**Ling: … … … -Smiles lightly, and then nods, turning, and walks out-**

**Hughes: -Walks towards the door, nodding to Hawkeye and Roy and then to Kimbley- She really does have nice socks! Sexy when she kicks them off in bed… -grins winking-**

**Winry: Aren't you married!?**

**Hughes: This was back in the day before Gracia ever graced my presence… -growls contently- Ooooh, those **_**socks**_**… nothing compares to them. -Sighs- …Oh! We should stop by and pick her and my little pumpkin munchkin up! -Grins, and then leaves the room-**

**Winry: -Looks at Hawkeye, and seems to lose some respect for her- Can't believe you showed them your socks! -Huffs- I'll be on the bus! -Leaves- **

**Al: -groans, some weird hacking sound suddenly erupting out of him-**

**Roy: … -glances to Hawkeye nervously- Hey, get Alphonse would'ya? I'll meet the rest of you down in the bus! -Quickly leaves-**

**Scar: … -runs his hands over Envy's shoulders leaning near his ear, whispering- You look nice right now… is that… a strange thing to say?**

Envy; -purrs a bit, turning his head to nuzzle at Scar- Mmm… …Maybe at a time like this, but I like to hear it whenever the hell you'll say it, Pet. -Smirks and moves away from him, walking off to go get on the bus-

Riza; … -sweatdrops, hurrying after Winry and Roy- Sir! Wi- Winry!

Kimbley; -Twitches slightly, shoving past Scar and moves to the bathroom, kicking the door- Hurry the fuck up unless you wanna be blown up kid! I'm not leaving this place standing! It'll give those fuckers a refuge and we don't need that when we're looking for the clean ones, a'right?

**Al: I-- -Wheeze- NEED … Mu- my in-- -Couch hack wheeze-- In- in- ha-- ha…leeeeeerrrrr! -Wheeze Wheeze- -Holds his chest, rolling and withering on the floor-**

**Scar: …. Help boy, or go make out with the love of my life…. Mmmmm…. -Thinks- Screw it, I'd rather burn in hell than miss a chance at getting laid. -Walks quickly towards the door- Didn't see anything! -he tells himself over and over again as he exits the room-**

**Al: -crawls, grabbing Kimbley's boot- Haaa….ha…lp! I- I-'ll do -Wheeze- Aaaa-aaaything! Aa… a….a… -choking-**

Kimbley; …Great, the kid has asthma. -Kneels down and picks him up, pausing before jerking him into a kiss for a moment, then draws away- …Don't know where your inhaler is, Kid, so that'll have t'do. Come on. -carries him off , over his shoulder, to the bus, pushing him in it and then steps on after him, leaning out a bit- ….'Ey, Archer, y'got an inhaler this kid c'n use or somethin'? …Find somethin'… or you c'n jus breathe for him, but… -huff- I might just get jealous. -Walks off the bus to go blow up the building-

Ed; -perks up when he see Al, throwing the plate of tacos at Ling- Hey, Aaaal~ 33

Havoc; … Boss… D:

Ed; -puts a hand over Havoc's face to shut him up, waving at Al-

**Al: -Passes out on the floor-**

**-Explosion-**

**Everyone looks outside except for Envy and Scar who are in the back if the bus… cuddling? And obviously Al, cause he's lacking oxygen.**

**Roy: -growls- That idiot! … He didn't bring the marshmallows! **

**Ling: It's like a camp fire … But I don't know how to sing KumByeYa… -sighs-**

**Hughes: Not to mention it will probably attract more of those things…**

**Hohenheim: You could get a nice tan… He sure knows how to blow.**

**Roy: That's nothing. I can blow better than that!**

**Hohenheim: …Really?**

**Roy: -Grins- I **_**am**_** the Flame Alchemist!**

**Hohenheim: Oh, so you just announce it like that?**

**Roy: Yeah, catchy isn't it?**

**Hohenheim: … … … I don't think you get where I'm going with this conversation.**

**Roy: -blinks- Excuse me?**

**Hohenheim: My son would know. He blows better than you and I've seen. -He gets up and moves to the front of the bus, scooping up Al into his arms, pulling out an inhaler- … Oh. I guess I should have refilled it. -Grins stupidly- Well I tried. -Looks back a couple seats to Edward- Hey, your brother's dying. Transmute something.**

--

**Archer: -walks calmly and very straightforward, sneaking up behind Kimbley and gives his ass a squeeze- Nice show. How about we get the fuck out of here, now?**

Kimbley; -Glances back, and then snuggles up on him- Yeah, yeah, come on. -Pushes him back into the bus- God… Faggot.

Edward: …Who needs to transmute anything?- shoves Havoc down and gets up, moving over and picks up Alphonse, pulling him into his lap- Come here, Baby~ … -nuzzles into him a little , then pulls him into some weird CPR thing-

Havoc; -Whimper-

Envy; Shut the hell up and get over it… the kid's always been about incest… except for Roy. -Smirk-

Riza; -clings to Winry- I'm sorry! … It was a long time ago… forgive me~?

**Alphonse: -Suddenly seems to come alive, flailing his arms about wildly, then shoves Ed off, gasping- …I'd rather die! -Gasps choking-**

**Hohenheim: Oh, how about some love from Father? -Grabs Al's chin and pulls him into a kiss like CPR-**

**Al: -Flails more- !!!**

**Ling: -sighs- It's just like my family… -smiles happily-**

**Roy: All homo - incestive? **

**Ling: Well, how else do you get royal blood?**

**Hughes: … That's how Gracia kisses me.**

**Archer: -climbs on after him- You can drive and I'll occupy you… -smiles, lowering himself under the steering wheel- Fag…**

**Hohenheim: -pulls away with a soft grin- I think he's fine now.**

**[Do NOT try this at home, it will not work! xD}**

**Al: -Whimpers- Unfortunately…**

**Scar: …Is my tongue supposed to do that?**

**Winry: I don't think I can bring myself to say such a thing! -Turns, swishing her hair in Hawkeye's face, staring out the window- … … Oh! I think we got more people who would like to join us!**

**Archer: …Looks like those flesh - eat bastards caught up to us, Kimbley, time to go. -Slithers his hand down over Kimbley, grabbing something very familiar of his-**

Ed; -Makes a face, moving to cling onto Al again, licking his neck some more- …I'll get that taste out of your mouth, Alphonse…. -Pulls him into a kiss-

Havoc; …-Hugs onto Roy- Hold me.

Greed; …-Glares at Havoc- …

Envy; … It can do a lot of things. Like this…

Kimbley; -slumps into the driver's seat, and then slams his foot down on the gas pedal, plowing through the crowded dead people- …Die you fuckin' sons of bitches… Mmm…

**Archer: Getting a little bumpy! That's okay I like a challenge… -unzips his pants-**

**Everyone seems to ignore the horrible snaps of bones and moaning breaking under the tires as the bus jerks about**

**Roy: Forever and ever?**

**Hughes: …Oh Gracia! -Holds Ling tight to himself running a hand through his hair-**

**Ling: …Oh, Hughes~!**

**Hughes: Oh my god, you almost sound like her!**

**Ling: I watch you sometimes… **

**Hughes: Oooh, are you the guys in the masks outside my window?**

**Ling: Yup!**

**Hughes: -whips out his gun and shoots Ling- That's for scaring my daughter!**

**Lanfan: Your majesty! -Burst through the bus window-**

**Ling: -Gets up- It's okay just a small head wound! -Chuckles like a retard, blood gushing down his face-**

**Wrath: More fags! -Giggles, pointing at Roy and Havoc-**

**Roy: When did you guys get on?**

**Wrath: Well, Greed shoved me into a suit case; it was really hot and stuffy and I suffocated a couple of times before I finally got out! And I think Greed was… I don't know.**

**Roy: Oooh. …Havoc, you can let go of me now, the moment's gone.**

**Al: -Shoves Ed away- No! No! No more incest!**

**Roy: -Looks at Al with a grin-**

**Al: AND NO MORE GUYS! I wish I was a suit of armor again! -Cries, slumping in an open seat-**

**Hohenheim: -Gets up and sits with Ed- Look at that, you upset him… -Sighs- I'm going to have to punish you Edward… -Runs his hand down Ed's leg-**

**Archer: …-Nuzzles deep in his pants- Oooh! Someone shaved ~ 3**

**Winry: Don't ever touch me! I hate you! You told me you were a virgin-- just like me!**

**Scar: Ah… Should it be there?**

Havoc; …-Clings tighter- I love you…

Ed; -Jumps up punching Hohenheim in the face on accident- WHAT THE HELL, JEAN, THAT'S WHAT YOU TOLD ME LAST NIGHT!

Havoc; -squeaks, burying his face in Roy's jacket- Save me~~

Ed; SONOFBITCH!

Riza; But I AM a virgin! …They screwed my shoes. -Hangs her head-

Envy; …Mm, it can, but …it's better right…ahh… here.

**Roy: …But I… Love Fuery.**

**Hohenheim: .. -Nose bursts with blood as he gets back up- Edward . . . -He whispers as he wraps his arms around his waist, and pulls him back into his seat- You're going to have to make this up to me . . . You've broken Daddy's nose three different ways. -Kisses down his neck- And `sides . . . I love you more. . . . -Draws back up to his lips- Because I'll always be true . . . To my son . . .**

**Archer: Ooh . . . Puttin' some speed on? Heh . . . Should I slow down for you, Dear? -Chuckles, burying his head back into his lap, mouth grasping . . . eh, you know-**

**Winry: Oh ho ho ho! You think you're so innocent! Then how is it-- -Grabs purse, digging around- Where is it . . . It's hard to misplace something this big . . . Damnit, I know I saw it in here . . . Ah! Then how is it-- -Pulls out dildo- That I found this in your house?! Yeah, I went to your house even though we promised each other that we would wait till I moved in, but I got curious! Glad I did! You cheating whore!**

**Scar: It tastes . . . Good. Is it supposed to?**

**Wrath: -Sighs and leans on Greed- Daddy Greed, I'm bored. All these homos are making my ass hurt again!**

**Ling: I see a light . . .**

**Hughes: Maybe you shouldn't stare into the sun.**

**Ling: . . . But, it's so beautiful.**

**Hughes: Hey, Kimbley, make a left on Hugh Street. Big yellow house, we need to pick up the wife and kid!**

Ed; . . . Nnn, but Daddy . . . -Whines- my boyfriend's cheating on me!!

Havoc; WE'RE OVER! -Sobs- Royyyy, I love you! TAKE ME NOW!

Envy; . . . Er. I don't know, not like I ever licked it before. Here, come here, like . . . No, not like that, it's better if you do it like THIS . . . . . Yeah . . .

Greed; . . . And this bitch all over Roy's pissing me the fuck off.

Kimbley; Fuck your wife 'n' your fuckin' kid . . . . . . 'm getting the blowjob of a lifetime here . . .

Riza; . . . If you want to know, Winry, I bought it for us . . .

**Winry: . . . For us? . . . Really? -Blushes, holding it more closely, like a treasure- . . . It's so big . . . Will it fit?**

**Roy: But me and Fuery are—**

**Al: . . . -Sniffles- Didn't Fuery die in the hospital from the car accident?**

**Roy: -Whimpers quietly and grows quiet-**

**Hughes: -Sighs and places a hand on Roy's shoulder- Hey, Buddy, it's time to move on. Get a new spoon and some ice cream. The better the ice cream, the better it will melt in your mouth. You gotta enjoy it. If you stick to one flavor the rest of your like-- Man, then it's boring.**

**Winry; AGAIN, aren't you married?**

**Hughes: And weren't you straight? Why do you think you lick pussies now, you carpet muncher?**

**Winry: -Mouth drops-**

**Hughes: Now, Roy, I'm not trying to force you into anything, but . . . Havoc's not a bad flavor.**

**Roy: Been with him, too?**

**Hughes: -Nods- Threesome with Gracia- Well, sorta. Gracia was so drunk and passed out, that me and Havoc kinda took advantage. Good night, good times.**

**Roy: . . . -Frowns slightly, nodding, looking down at Havoc- . . . I don't know . . . -Pulls away from the blonde, and goes to sit alone- Let me think on it.**

**Hohenheim: . . . Let me fix your broken heart. -Kisses down his chest while his hand plays in his hair, nose still bleeding-**

**Archer: No, Kimbley! Go to the house . . . Where there's a bed . . . There's more pleasure. -Grins, stroking harder-**

**Scar: . . . . . . Mmm. I like this. You think anyone else does?**

**Wrath: Now's your chance, Daddy Greed! Now you can go get him!**

Havoc; . . . -Pouts, then snuggles up on Hughes- . . .

Riza; . . . -Pulls Winry into a kiss-

Ed; . . . -Pushes him away- No. No, it's too soon . . . I need to . . . I need time. I just need time . . . -Moves away from Hohenheim's seat and takes an empty one, curling up into a ball on it-

Kimbley; . . . Fuck the bed, we'll take one of the seats . . . 3

Greed; -Glances over to Roy, pausing, then scoops up Wrath, and puts him next to Al, slinking off after Roy- Hey, Colonel ~ . . .

Envy; Well, I guess some people do . . . I mean, people like some pretty weird shit . . .

**Archer: Getting a little kinky, there . . . I like that. -Grins- Either way, we should stop . . . I think I'm growing a little too hard, you know . . . -Reaches his hand trailing up Kimbley's shirt, playing with one of his nipples-**

**Winry: -Swallows, forgetting the insults and then pulls away- Ah . . . Riza . . . Don't . . . you'll make my underwear messy, and that's really hard to clean!**

**Wrath: -Looks over at al- . . . So, are you a fag?**

**Al; -Sighs- I try not to be . . .**

**Wrath: . . . What's your name?**

**Al: . . . Alphonse. But you can call me Al.**

**Wrath: -Smiles- Okay, well, from now on, you're my brother! I'll call you Brother Al! -Grabs his arm, nuzzling into it-**

**Al: -Smiles, shifting a little, feeling a bit awkward, but cuddles him back- (( A brother's a brother . . . I suppose . . . ))**

**Roy: -Looks up- Oh, hi, uh . . . -Smiles awkwardly- . . . I'm sorry, I forgot what sin you were . . . Eh, Lust?**

**Ling: My head really hurts . . .**

**Hughes: . . . yeah, so does mine, but I'm not referring to the one you're talking about, Havoc! Lighten up, would you?**

**Hohenheim: -Watches Ed all cuddled up and smiles faintly, removing his jacket, and gets up, placing it over him before going to the bathroom to relieve himself- and not in the ' I have to use the bathroom ' way, but rather . . .-**

**Scar: . . . I'm really loving you right now . . . you look so . . . um, what's that word again . . . uh . . . Oh, yeah! You look so sexy doing that!**

**Archer: . . . You want more teeth, or do you want it down my throat?**

Kimbley; Mmm. All the way, Babe. All the Goddamn way . . . -Smirk- I like it when you choke.

Riza; . . . But, it's better when it's messy . . . -Drops her hand to Winry's thigh, sliding it up her skirt-

Ed; YOU'RE NOT HIS BROTHER! -Whines- I AM! -Clutches Hohenheim's jacket, curling up more- He's mine you bastard . . . _Mine_ . . .

Greed; -Shrugs, dropping in the seat with Roy- No, but close enough.

Havoc; . . . -Nuzzles into Hughes' chest with a soft sigh-

Envy; -Glances up over the envelope, pulling it from hi mouth when he's finished licking it, and seals it up- . . . yeah? . . . Well, I can't say I find licking envelopes very sexy, but whatever floats your boat, Pet.

**Scar: Oh . . . Was that the wrong thing to say? . . . Maybe I should have said cute . . . -Eyes fall to the floor as he feels like an idiot-**

**Archer: I know, I like hearing myself choke, too . . . -Grins and starts slowly swallowing, gagging at the first three inches-**

**Roy: Mm . . . So. You seem to . . . Drop by my house a lot . . . You never knock, though. I've always thought of inviting you in, but when I come out on the porch, you run away. . . . You shy?**

**Wrath: Hey, Brother Al. Can I tell you a secret?**

**Al: -Opens one eye- You didn't suddenly become gay for me, too, did you?**

**Wrath: I don't think so . . .**

**Al: . . . Okay. What is it?**

**Wrath: -Smiles- Daddy Greed promised he would get me a Momma- since, well, my old momma died, and the one before that threw me into a door filled with eyes.**

**Al: -Swallows, shifting- Oh . . .**

**Wrath: He said this momma would be better than any momma in the whole world! And that she would read me stories, tickle me, play hide and seek, and beat people to death with me!**

**Al: -Nods along at the cute suggestions, freezing at the last one, twitching slightly as he looks at Wrath, who only smiles, and he smiles nervously- Well . . . That's nice.**

**Wrath: Uh- huh! -Cuddles- And now I have a brother! Who will scare monsters away, eat till we throw up, blow bubbles in our milk, chase me till it gets dark, and help me brush my teeth because I can never do it right! He'll also share a bed with me and keep me warm on cold nights.**

**Al: Aren't you always cold?**

**Wrath: . . . . . . Yes. And I'm always shoved into a box when it's time for bed. . . . it gets lonely.**

**Al: . . . . . . . . . -Suddenly feels bad- Oh . . . Well, I'll share a bed with you. -Pats head-**

**Wrath: Yay! I'll finally know what a bed feels like!**

**Al: -Frowns, but ignores the comment-**

**Winry: Ah! Riza! -Trembles slightly- Not in front of everyone . . . -Kisses gently- Please . . .**

**Ling: Hughes . . .**

**Hughes: Yeah?**

**Ling: . . . Is it bad that it's still bleeding?**

**Hughes: Do I look like a doctor to you?**

**Ling: . . .**

**Hughes: Just stick it in cold water and it will be good. -Cuddles Havoc-**

**Ling: Oh, oh, okay. -Gets up to go to the bathroom, opens the door and sees Hohenheim jacking it good- Oh . . .**

**Hohenheim: . . .**

**Ling: . . .**

**Hohenheim: So, you're a prince, huh?**

**Ling: . . . -Smiles bashfully- So, I keep saying . . .**

**Hohenheim: . . . Not bad looking for sixteen . . .**

**Ling: . . . -Smiles- You're not too bad for your age, either . . .**

**Hohenheim: I'm over four hundred . . .**

**Ling: . . . Still.**

**Hohenheim: -Shrugs-**

**Ling: . . . -Nods-**

**Hohenheim: . . .**

**Ling: . . .**

**Hohenheim: You know, I could help you with that bleeding . . .**

**Ling: Really?**

**Hohenheim: Yeah.**

**Ling: -Glances back, then slips into the bathroom- Okay!**

**Hohenheim: Come over here, and I'll fix that right up. -grins- (( Ah, teenagers . . . So gullible. ))**

Envy; -Shrugs, setting down the envelope- like I just said, Pet, whatever floats your boat.

Kimbley; -Runs his left hand through Archer's hair, right hand gripping the steering wheel tighter- . . . Ooh, God . . . Archer . . .

Greed; . . . Nah. I'm sent to watch you. Sometimes. Sometimes, I just come by for the Hell of it. -Shrugs- . . . I'm not to stay over there, so I usually just ditch so I don't have to talk to ya.

Riza; -Sighs softly, drawing away- Fine, fine . . . -Nuzzles into her neck instead-

Havoc; -Clings- . . . But, didn't Ed's dad go into the bathroom, Hughes?

**Hughes: . . . mm. Who cares, right? -Runs his hand through Havoc's hair- You've been smoking less . . .**

**Archer: -Closes his eyes, forcing himself to go further, his stomach feeling a sort of twist as he feels it go down his throat- Mmyammauuuhgfffff!! 3 -Choke, gag-**

**Winry: Riza . . . What if we die? -Thinks for a long time-**

**Roy: Oh. Mm. Well. -Nods, and then clears his throat- . . . (( I've been watched . . . ? Damn. My window's always open and everything after I get out of the shower! )) . . . -Blushes- . . . (( Did he see me . . . ? I mean I don't always do it in the room . . .**

**Wrath: -Whispers to Greed- Daddy Greed, you should give **_**it **_**to him.**

**Ling: Mmmmmm. I think the bleeding stopped.**

**Hohenheim: Would you like a kiss? They say it heals faster…**

**Ling: …Yeah. I would like a kiss…**

**Hohenheim: -Grins and leans in, giving Ling a kiss-**

**Scar: Envy. Can I kiss you?-Blinks at him- Cuz … I keep wanting t, but… I don't know if I should or not… I mean you're just so -- … -Voice fades as he stares, blushing slightly-**

Envy; -Grins- … Come here and get it? 3

Havoc; ……-Purrs softly- Okay, then… -nuzzles into the hands- …I know, I'm trying to get used to not having one every five minutes I'm going to be baby sitting for three months and I can't smoke around him…

Kimbley; -Moves his hand away quickly, hunching over the steering wheel, chin resting against it- Nnngh… -narrows his eyes to try and keep focused on the road before him- …Oh, God…

Edward: -Whimpers, nuzzling into the cloth of the jacket-

Riza; …Well, obviously, we will die, eventually…

Greed; -Raises an eyebrow at Roy, glancing to Wrath- …_NOW?!_

**Wrath: Don't you think it's a good time? I mean- he'd like it right? That's what fags like, don't they?**

**Hughes: …What color are your socks?**

**Scar: Yay~ -Jumps towards Envy, wrapping his arms around him as he gives him a nice, soft kiss- ~3**

**Winry: …That's… never mind. -Glances around- Maybe… we should enjoy our time together- especially in a time like this- cause… I mean… Who knows when it can happen, right …? -Nuzzles against her with a slight purr-**

**Archer: Kemmmmmphdruuuuuuuubiiiiiiinnnnnnnggg…. -Gags, pulls away, throwing up-**

**Ling: OH MY GOD!**

Greed; …..Don't insult gays, I'm gay, you know. …-Sighs, reaching over, sliding his arm around Roy's shoulders, pulling him against himself-

Havoc; …-Blushes- H—Hughes…

Envy; -Nips at him, pulling away- … Nn, you kiss weird…

Riza; …Don't you always enjoy your time with me…? -Trails his fingers into her hair, parting small sections to braid them together-

Kimbley; AUGH. ARCHER!! -Jerks away from the wheel all together, slamming down his foot on the brake, jerking his jacket off, attempting to wipe up the mess- Jesus!!

Edward: …Ling? -Frowns, getting up to his feet, draping the jacket around his shoulders, heading to the back of the bus, twitching upon realizing he has to be in the bathroom—with Hohenheim- … DAMNIT! -Kicks the door with his automail leg- WHAT THE HELL?!

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**Just a few words to say from the authors…**

**Wow… What do you even say to this? Mm. Well other than it was complete boredom, but it just kept going and going in a whole totally different direction. -laughs- God, my post were so damn long… think I killed Vani my friend that I wrote this with xD **

**But it was utter fun, and nothing more. Unfortunately it won't be continued, since it was just a random thing to start- and we did try to write more but it wasn't the same.**

**Oh and don't worry, I know Alphonse like stops popping up at some point, and its okay he's fine I just forgot to reply with him after a while cuz I'm a retard. But I think towards the end I was going to have Archer and Hohenheim turn into Zombies laaaame I know -shot- **

**But I know we died trying to figure out what the hell Scar and Envy were doing since we wanted to write them doing something suggestive - but not doing anything of the sort. And I don't remember who came up with the idea of them licking envelopes but we died coming up with it.**

**Anyway we hope you enjoyed it and we hope to be posting more stories in the future~**

Vani has leaked, and melted, and died all over the floor. This crack just confuses me and keeps me saying

"What the hell!?" My least favorite scene in that story was Archer throwing up. It makes my stomach twist every time I read over it [ I hate vomit scenes D8 ]. And to the people out there reading this: Whoosh ~ ! Maybe we'll write you more beautiful crack some day, if you give us positive feedback, nigs! Oh, and if you have some cocaine, we could use it, since we've resorted to using sugar, and that doesn't work very well. DRUGS FOR THE POOR PLOX?! Oh, and please give lots of reviews and comments we need them!

**Yeah. What she said, see ya soon~!**


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